


Summer Nights

by Drarrybutcanon



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Campfire, Camping, Field Trip, Fluff, M/M, Never Have I Ever, Spin the Bottle, Teens being teens, Truth or Dare, summer extravaganza, the mage being a bitch like usal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-06-22 19:05:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15588678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drarrybutcanon/pseuds/Drarrybutcanon
Summary: My hand has a life of its own, grabbing the shot of vodka in front of me. Well, it’s not my fault, that kiss was certainly something. It wasn’t like kissing Agatha, or Penny. It was twice as passionate, and ten times as exhilarating. And so it’s almost like I’m happy when-The eight-years have a 3 day field trip to learn about magickal plants, and of course, they’re being your typical teenagers and sneak out at night to play truth or dare.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Before I start, I want to thank my beta, Julia (https://kaz-sexual.tumblr.com/), you've been a lot of help, and I look forward to writing the rest of this with you! And thanks for being so understanding of my procrastination hehe...  
> I also feel like the organizer of the Snowbaz Extravaganza (https://snowbazextravaganza.tumblr.com) deserves a proper applause for being so amazing and making this possible. Go on, guys, clap your hands.  
> Annnnd I created a playlist with the songs I feel like Baz would listen to in the bus here: https://open.spotify.com/user/lilliflyinge/playlist/5gX8v7lxcVLei8dotLjeBi?si=3XMGg1tbSFaxi3WAqaqGsA  
> Now, please enjoy!

PENNY

 

Sometimes I don't understand the Mage. He's been going on about safety and special precautions since forever, and now _this?_ A tad contradictory if you ask me. A field trip featuring camping in the Wavering Wood doesn’t sound all that safe and sound.

I end up having to spend the bus ride stuck alongside Trixie, who luckily for her, convinced me to let her sit next to the aisle so she could “talk” to her girlfriend on the row next to us (they’re bent over the aisle now, blocking the passage). I swear someday I’ll invent some way of teleporting that doesn’t require immense amounts of magic.

To top that, Simon and Baz are loudly arguing behind me. Apparently, Simon wants to sit next to the window, but also play some game with Rhys and Gareth, on the other side of the aisle. Baz just wants to listen to his music in peace, and-

“I don’t want your sodding face poking me in the chest, Snow.”

“Is it so wrong to want to see my friends while I’m talking to them?”

“Yes, in case it invades my personal space.” The taller one retorts, a hint of amusement in his voice. “We could, of course, avoid all that if you would just let me sit next to the window, like any child over 5 would.”

I can feel Simon’s magic tense up, but it quickly loosens up a bit again.

“Fine.” He grunts.

I sigh.  _ Those two, honestly. _

“Ow! Baz, why are your elbows so bloody sharp?”  

I can’t help but roll my eyes again.

SIMON

It’s only been about 20 minutes, and according to Penny, we still have another 25. Rhys, Gareth and I have played I Spy and 20 questions far too many times already. At first, Baz seemed to find it hilarious that we were playing children’s games, but what are we to do? We can’t all buy iPods just because the Mage puts a ban on cellphones. Now my evil roommate seems relaxed, head resting against the glass, elbow propped up on the edge of the window.

I try to relax as well, to drift into sleep, but it’s useless even though I’m tired. Baz’s music is leaking through his headphones, which is amazing, because they must be some fancy brand. I guess he enjoys his music deafeningly loud.

“Do you mind?” I ask him, assuming he’ll realize what I mean. He doesn’t respond. “Hello?” I try again and tap him on the shoulder. He almost-flinches.

“What?” He mutters.

“I’m pretty sure one can hear your music all the way from China.” I tell him, vaguely gesturing towards his headphones.

“So?” He voices, putting his headphones back on. Feeling too tired to argue, I give up. Instead I try to focus on the melody. Maybe I can hear enough to actually enjoy it. That is, assuming he has an acceptable taste in music, which I doubt. He probably listens to some really weird angry stuff.

Sometimes I can catch a couple of words. The beat gives away that he mostly listens to soft music. Most often, I can distinguish a lingering, melancholic voice to playful guitars.

_ I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour                                                                                     But heaven knows I'm miserable now _

But sometimes it gets a bit livelier. I recognize one of the songs, and decide the remarkable voice belongs to David Bowie.

_ You've got your mother in a whirl                                                                                                   _ _ She's not sure if you're a boy or a girl        _

It almost makes me laugh. It’s all so  _ Baz. _ His cold, rebellious façade, his sulky way of feeling sorry for himself. Yet I can’t deny the fact that I like his music taste, and find myself helplessly leaning closer to him, trying to absorb every beat.

BAZ   
  
By the time we’ve arrived, Snow is almost in my lap. It’s obvious he wants to listen to my music, but I will not sacrifice the comfort of two earbuds just for his enjoyment. Well I would, but he wouldn’t accept it anyway.    
The Mage wants us to set up camp immediately. Of course, he thinks we should share tents with our roommates.    
Simon’s on his knees, bent over to hammer on some metal piece. I don’t think he knows what he’s doing, but I find myself having to force my eyes away. The sun on those bronze curls and that arse, honestly, if I wasn’t already dead, well, I would be now.   
I try to focus on the task at hand: trying to make sure Snow doesn’t ruin everything. I make my way around the tent, checking the fastenings, and moving the ones that were in the wrong place. When everything is finally set up, I sit myself down against a tree and open a book. We’re only third to finish, I’ll hopefully get ten nice minutes of reading.

“Bollocks!” Snow exclaims. I reluctantly stand up, walking over to him.

“What did you do?” I ask him, taking a deep breath in preparation.

“Uhm, I was going to cast the protection spell but it kind of went to shite. Now the whole tent is freezing.” He explains, scratching his head in regret.

“Oh, perfect.” I mutter sarcastically. “I was right over there, idiot. I could’ve done it. Now let me try to fix this.” I throw him a nasty look and he frowns. He looks so sad, disappointed in himself like a guilty little puppy.

I try “ **As you were.** ” But it doesn’t have any effect. Snow bites his lip, furrowing his brow further. 

“Why isn’t it working?” He stammers. I ignore him and try again, only to fail once more. I cast a “ **Some like it hot.** ” but with no more luck.

“Snow, what the bloody fuck have you done?” 

Suddenly we’re interrupted by the voice of our overly excited headmaster.

“Gather around, students!” The Mage calls, and Snow shrugs, making his way over to the group of classmates gathering around the teachers. “Before I answer any questions-” He gestures towards a girl with her hand enthusiastically waving in the air. “-I’m going to go through the schedule for this afternoon. In about 5 minutes, we have the first and last lesson for today. We’re going to investigate magickal mushrooms. At 6, class ends, and you have a one hour break until dinner. After that you are one again free, until the curfew, which will be at 10.” At this, several noises of complaint are heard. The Mage completely ignores it. “Now, any questions?” The girl once again raises her hand. “Yes?” He points at her.

“Are we allowed to set up a fire? You know, for marshmallows and stuff.” She asks, smiling hopefully.

“I’m afraid not, for safety reasons.”

“Fucking nonsense.” I hear someone whisper behind me, and I agree. Setting up a campfire would be way less dangerous than this little excursion already is. The rate of forest fires to murders by magickal creatures is about 1-100. Most magickal creatures are even afraid of fire, so I don’t see the problem (not that I really care). I’m still pissed at Snow for fucking up the spell; I’m going to die of hypothermia. Well, not exactly die, but I’m already cold enough, I don’t need his damn ice magic.   
  
SIMON   
  
The forest excursion ends up being terribly dull. We walk around looking at different kinds of mushrooms, while the teacher explains which ones can be used for what, listing different potions and spells. If I hear another joke about “shrooms” I just might kill someone. 

The cherry on top is that I get paired up with fucking  _ Dev.  _ I drag my feet over to where he’s with Baz & Co. Their leader is slouched against a tree, scowl on his face, hair helplessly falling in his eyes. He tries to slick it back again, failing epically. I shoot him a glare, which he ignores, standing tall only to loom over me like usual. He really likes to show off how much taller he is, it’s so stupid. Sometimes I think Baz isn’t as sophisticated as he wants people to think.

“Well, let’s go, Dev.” I say, shooting Baz a dark look. Penny runs up to me.

“Hey, wanna race?” She asks, oddly excited.

“Uh, what do you mean?”

“First one to find a pink Agaricus Campestris wins.” She explains.

“That’s unfair, we both know you’ll win.” I complain, voice whinier than I planned.

Suddenly Baz shifts.“I’ll race you, Bunce.” 

“Fine. Then I give you exactly 1 minute to find your partner.” She retorts, looking smug and satisfied. He hurries away.

BAZ

I have to say, sometimes I quite appreciate Simon’s beloved sidekick. I was bored out of my mind listening to my moronic friends talk about girls when she showed up with a challenge.

Unfortunately, I’m paired up with some girl Agatha likes to talk to. She’s picking at her braid with her bright pink nails, looking a bit displeased. Well, at least the feeling’s mutual.

We start off quickly, opening our mouths only to say the bare minimum. I see Bunce some 50 metres ahead and decide to follow. Meanwhile, I try  to remember what I know about the pink Agaricus Campestris. I recall reading something about how they like humidity, which unfortunately describes pretty much the entire Wavering Wood. But then something else comes to mind. They often live in symbiosis with a certain type of luminous oak. Maybe if I find one of those, there’ll be some mushrooms at the base of it. I call my partner over to tell her, and then start looking for the tree. When she trudges away, I sharpen my senses, hoping to get some use out of being a vampire.

Somewhere in the distance, I perceive a faint yellow light. Approaching it quickly, I hear a laugh.  _ Snow.  _ As I creep through the trees, the light grows stronger and I can see him, running about, Dev goggling at him like he’s a freak (which isn’t completely off). The stupid, wonderful Mage’s heir has got flowers in his hair; beautiful, glowing violets.

“Come on, Dev. Don’t be such a prat.” He laughs, throwing a wild anemone at the poor sod. But then I’m distracted from Snow’s decorated curls. Behind the two idiots, in the light of the oak, three small mushrooms, a deep cerise. I march over to them, smirking at Snow as I pick all three of them, carefully placing them in the small bag provided to us.

“Oh, were we supposed to get those?” Snow asks, still giggling.  _ Crowley. _

“Are you high?” He smiles at me like I’m his hero. I’ve seen this smile before, but it’s never  _ ever  _ for me.

“No…” He’s still chuckling.

Dev clears his throat. “He’s been like that since he sniffed those flowers.”

“Merlin, such morons.” I roll my eyes.

“I haven’t done anything!” Dev says in a defensive tone, at which I roll my eyes even harder.

“Exactly.” And I leave them, heading back to camp.  _ With some luck… _

But I don’t seem to have any luck. Bunce is sitting on a tree stump, bag in hand and satisfaction on her face.

“Congratulations, Bunce. Now, you should probably know I had to deal with your slightly drugged friend. He inhaled something funny.”

Bunce’s grin fades and she jumps to her feet, hurrying away to where I came from. In passing me she snapped.

“I swear, if you have anything to do with this-”

I didn’t quite catch the rest.

SIMON

The evening approaches quickly, and after dinner the professors are already retreating to their tents. Some students take the opportunity to gather around in a small circle to make plans. As I walk up to them, I manage to catch a couple of their whispers.

“…at midnight…the little clearing…yeah…”

I wonder what they’re up to. “Mind if I join?”

“’Course not!” Rhys answers.

“So, what’s the plan?”

“Well, we’re going to sneak out at midnight to play truth or dare. Gareth has got a bottle of vodka, and Bella brought wine.” Someone explains.

“Oh.” It can’t hurt to have a little fun, I guess. “Is it alright if I invite Penny?”

“Sure, as long as she doesn’t say anything.” Agatha murmurs.

I’m so surprised I forget to whisper. “Oh, hi Ags! Didn’t see you there!”

I’m met by several shhhs and a kick in the shin.

“Alright, well see you all at midnight, then.” I smile, winking at Agatha before I leave. I guess it makes sense for her to be there. She always does tell us to  _ loosen up _ and  _ be teenagers _ .

However, when Penny and I have made our way to the clearing 5 minutes after midnight, I get a real shock. Standing next to what looks like is soon going to be a campfire, is Baz and his friends, holding small cups of an orangey liquid. But I don’t get much time to react. Bella, wine bottle in hand, and already looking a bit tipsy, saunters up to the soon-to-be campfire and attempts to clap her hands despite the bottle.

“Ladies and gentlemen and variations thereupon, may I have your attention please?”

It takes a couple of seconds for silence to fall, but we all gather around the small girl.

“We’re going to start off the night, as promised, with a good ol’ game of truth and dare.” she says, imitating an American accent. “Now, to celebrate the opening of the games, please, Baz.” She motions towards the tall boy, and he walks up to the stack of wood, raising his arm.

He doesn't even need to say anything. Fire comes so easy to him. A flame shoots out of his hand and lands on the pile of sticks with a whoosh and a pop, and soon the whole thing is on fire. The boy standing next to me gasps, but I shake my head. Always so dramatic. I do admit, Baz's control over fire magic is really cool, but he’s a bit of a show-off. However, I’m distracted from my irritated thoughts when a bag of marshmallows is opened.

****

****

“Well, now that that’s settled, let’s all sit down.” A couple of groans are heard. “Oh, come on, it’s not that wet! And we dragged all these tree trunks over here. My magic is almost completely depleted!” Bella insists, pointing at a couple of fallen trees serving as benches around the fire. When everyone’s finally seated, she seems satisfied. “Now, of course, we’re going to play it the magickal way, meaning I’m going to cast a permanent  **answer me** . I haven’t tried it for more than 3 people, but hopefully it’ll still work.” She giggles.

“You know what, maybe I should do it, seeing as you’re a bit- yeah.” Penny proposes.

As soon as the spell is set, the game starts. But soon, we realize we have a problem. No one can seem to come up with any good questions.

“Let’s just do the dares, then.” Someone suggests, and everyone seems to agree. I nod along, that’s the most fun part anyway. But maybe that was not a good idea, as I turn out to be dared almost immediately.

“I dare you to kiss Penny!”

_ What.  _ Well, can’t be that bad, we’re best friends after all. It feels a little weird, but as she slowly approaches, and I press my lips carefully and a bit awkwardly on hers, it really doesn’t feel much weirder than giving her a hug. Suddenly, Agatha stands up. “I forgot something in the tent.”

I don’t think much of it. She’ll be back soon. Maybe I’ll get to kiss her too, that would be nice. I have a little of the whiskey Baz brought, and soon enough, my head is spinning, slowing my thoughts. I feel relaxed, and happy, and not getting marshmallow all over my face is getting harder and harder.

BAZ

Aleister Crowley _. _ What am I doing here? I can’t stop staring at his stupid face, covered in sweet sticky goo. I want to lick it all off.

“Baz, I dare you to… merlin, yes, I know! Kiss Simon!” Bella chuckles evilly.

I nearly choke.

“I will not. He’s covered in that disgusting stuff.” I state.

“Oh come on, Baz. It’s only marshmallows. It’s good!” Snow argues, looking slightly offended.

“No.”

“Psshhh, coward.” Someone taunts.

“I’m sure he’s bad at it too.” I persist. Now he’s looking properly cross.

“Am not!” He protests. “I’ll show you!” And then he stands up and walks up to me, grabs my shoulders and _holy fucking snakes_ _and cauldrons._ His lips are soft but angry, pushing hard at mine. A hand flies up to my hair and I swallow a gasp. _Bloody fuck._ Suddenly, he grazes his teeth at my lower lip before biting down hard, and I shiver. When I slide my tongue over his mouth like I’ve always wanted to, he pulls at my locks.

Then it stops and Simon stands up, blushing hard, and the world comes back to me. Everyone’s quiet, their eyes large as plates.

“I think it’s time for something else. These dares are getting out of hand.” I say, clearing my throat. A few nods and hums, and we all agree on Never have I ever.

“Well, I’ll start.” Keris voices. “I’ve always wanted to know whether we’re the only queer ones.” She smiles at her girlfriend mischievously. “And I have my suspicions. Never have I ever – how to say this- not been gay.”

SIMON

“It’s called straight.” Trixie chuckles, not touching her cup. Most people drink except Rhys, Gareth (no one is surprised) and the evil girlfriends, but to everyone’s confusion, Baz’s shaky hand doesn’t quite manage to close around his cup, and he finally gives up, sitting back on the trunk.

“That. Is. Gold.”

“Basilton Pitch, gay?”

“Bloody hell.”

Several voices and whispers are heard but it annoys me, and I cough.

“Uhm, okay, next one please.”

“My turn, right?” Trixie asks. “Never have I ever thought about kissing Simon Snow.”

Everyone but Rhys and a couple other boys drink. Including Baz. The poor boy looks miserable, raking his hand through his hair, trying to be nonchalant.

“Well, it was in preparation for that awful kiss earlier. Don’t go around getting any ideas.”

But Trixie snorts. “Right. We all believe you, lover boy.”

“Well, then. Let’s kick it up a notch!” Gareth exclaims, almost buzzing with excitement and mischief. “Never have I ever, before this day, fantasized about snogging Simon Snow.”

I choke on my marshmallow, coughing hard until Penny pats my back. But it only gets worse when once again, Baz reluctantly raises his drink.

“Well now we just have to know if it’s reciprocated!” Bella chimes. “How perfect that it’s my turn! Never have I ever fantasized about snogging Baz Pitch!”

But to my relief, I don’t feel the need to drink.

“Ha!” I exclaim. Then I immediately feel a bit bad. Oh well, it’s not like the git’s got feelings for me. I look around the circle and see a couple of disappointed faces, which I find quite odd, but satisfactory.  _ Ha. _

“Don’t be so smug, Si, it’s my turn.” Penny smirks.

“Penny, we’re best friends. You love me.”

“Yes, but I’m terribly curious, you see. Now, never have I ever  _ wanted  _ to snog Baz Pitch. That should do it.”

And to my horror, it does. My hand has a life of its own, grabbing the shot of vodka in front of me. Well, it’s not my fault, that kiss was certainly  _ something.  _ It wasn’t like kissing Agatha, or Penny. It was twice as passionate, and ten times as exhilarating. And so it’s almost like I’m  _ happy _ when-

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” They all chant. Baz raises an eyebrow.

“No.” He says, but my stomach tells me he doesn’t mean it. I walk over to him and place my hand behind his neck, take in a sharp breath of air and then  _ he  _ kisses me.  _ I knew it. _

This time it’s almost feverish. He deepens the kiss like he’s drowning and I’m the only lifeboat there is. Our mouths, fighting for dominance, suck, bite, pull at sensitive skin. His hands are in my hair now, twisting my curls between his fingers, raking my scalp with sharp nails. I keep thinking I should stop, but that would be like trying not to breathe. His lips are frighteningly cold, but inside his mouth is hotter, and I slide my tongue in, exploring his teeth, his cheeks.

Then I almost let out a disappointed cry when his mouth leaves mine, only to be betrayed by a moan when it lands on my neck, wet and hot, his teeth grazing at my skin.

“Okay, okay, we get it. Let’s not turn this into live porno.” Penny snickers. Baz raises his head and pushes me off him with a sneer.

When I come back to my place next to Penny, I almost jump.

“Agatha! You… you’re back. You saw that?”

“Awwkwaard…” Baz singsongs on the other side of the flames.

“Uhm.. Yeah. Simon, I think we should talk.”

“Just so you know, it didn’t mean anything but yeah, of course.” I blink at her, waiting for her response.

She sighs. “No, like, in private.”

“Oh.”

We walk some 20 metres away, where there’s still a bit of light, but no one can hear us. Her eyes look darker than I’ve ever seen them, and I just  _ know. _ And I’m not even sorry about it.

“Simon, I want to break up.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night is ending, and Simon's confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okokokok this chapter is really really short, but it's been like a month and I feel like I really need to post this. I promise next one is going to be longer!  
> Once again, thanks to my beta Julia (https://kaz-sexual.tumblr.com/) for all the amazing advice <3  
> Annnd, enjoy your reading!

“Simon, I want to break up.”

I stare at her, dumbfounded. “What- you… Why?”

She closes her eyes, exhales and looks at me again, this time the golden brown of her irises sorrowful.

“I think deep down, you know why.”

“Look, if it’s about Baz, seriously, I swear that was just… I- I’m not even gay!” I stutter.

She twirls the end of her hair between her thumb and index, brow furrowed. “Maybe so. But that’s not why. I just don’t think I love you in that way.”

I feel a twist in my stomach, even though I know she’s right. “What do you mean? I- What did I do wrong?” I ask, voice a bit shaky.

“No, Simon. I don’t think you understand. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just… I’m not… attracted to you.”

“Oh.” I suddenly find it harder to meet her gaze.

“I’m sorry.” She adds, sounding a bit unsure, but relieved.

I look up at her again. “It’s ok.” I say, and oddly, it is.

I watch her as she walks away, blonde hair swaying in the warm breeze. I guess it makes sense. She wants to be free to do what she wants during the summer break.

I always thought I was going to spend whatever post-Humdrum life I would get with her, but somehow, the thought now appears childish and unrealistic, it was never a good relationship in the first place. I always loved her more, and yet I could never find the time for her. I was too busy obsessing over Baz’s evil plotting.

I can’t ignore something nagging at me in the back of my brain:  _ Am I gay?  _ Or worse: maybe I’m supposed to be alone, maybe  _ I don’t have anyone _ ?

The thought of being alone (even though it’s ridiculous), of not knowing what comes next is scary, and I know I’ll still miss her. My head juggles too many thoughts at once, and when I trudge back to the campfire, it’s with a single goal in mind: drink until I forget my own name.

PENNY

When Simon comes back, the only people left are some losers doing a shot contest. He joins them before I even get the time to ask him anything and won’t talk to me however hard I try to convince him. I look around, but the only other half-sober person left is Baz. I shoot him a pleading look and he actually seems like he’s debating whether or not to help me, but then someone exclaims “Aww, that was the last shot, Simon!” And then they all start making their way back, giggling and tripping here and there.

At that rate, they’ll get caught, and the Mage will slaughter them.

I try to make out the shapeless blob of drunkenness and emotions I feel in Simon’s magic. Sometimes, I think his magic is so powerful he can involuntarily share his feelings with other people.

I see Baz frowning at him with a puzzled expression. But there’s something behind his blankness, something full of colors that I never knew how to define. But now I do. Or at least, I’m fairly sure of it.  _ Love. _

BAZ

“It’s okay, you don’t have to take care of him. I’ll help him back to the tent.” I suggest. Poor Bunce is looking exhausted. Yet her curious gaze is still as piercing, as frighteningly knowing.

She snorts. “Look, you don’t have to. It’s not like I trust you with him anyway.” She shivers as a chilly puff of air sweeps her hair away from her face. “Did you do that to make me leave?”

_ How did she…? _ “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Of course you do. I know you’ve been working on wandless, wordless spells for a while.” She smiles and raises an eyebrow. “Look I’ll let you carry your little princess if that’s so important to you, but I’m walking you to the tent.”

“It’s not like I care.” I hurry to voice. “And Snow isn’t graceful enough to be a princess.”

A mild sound of protest and a few muffled words are heard from the log. On the ground, cuddling the tree trunk, is Simon Snow, the Chosen One, royally trashed and with marshmallow gunk still decorating his golden locks.

“I didn’t quite catch that.” I say to the tree trunk.

It mutters for a bit before sighing and suddenly a head pops up, eyes squinting hard at the fire before finding my gaze. “I’m graceful to be – enough to be a princess.” He whines, eyes and words equally as blurry.

I sigh at Penny’s chuckling face. Something in her eyes has shifted.

“Let’s go back. I want at least four hours of sleep.” I mutter.

“I’ll take care of the fire. You know what, never mind what I said, you take him home. And if you harm him I’ll slaughter your family and burn all your belongings.” She threatens, but the words are empty.

“How very amicable of you.” I retort. “Come on, Snow.” But as I get closer to him, he all but grunts. 

“No.”

“What is it?” I sigh.

“Don’t wanna move the leg.”

“Did something happen to it?” I ask. I didn’t think it was possible for him to get even clumsier with his words.

“No walk.” He grumbles. Bunce looks over at me with that almighty stare. She smirks, turning her back to me to resume her cleaning session.

“Look, I’m not going to carry you like a princess.” I declare, ignoring Bunce’s unsettling smiles.

“Why nooot?” He drawls, tugging at my shoelace.

“Stop- what- Stop that. You’re going to…” The shoelaces untie and I sigh for the hundredth time tonight as I bend down to fix it. 

My head is only inches away from his as he suddenly places one of his hands on my hair and starts  _ caressing  _ it.

“Soft.” He mumbles. All the blood I drank yesterday gathers under the pale skin stretching over my cheekbones. 

“Yes, I believe it’s called conditioner.” I finally manage to spit out.

Bunce turns halfway towards us and I can see she’s watching us with her smug expression. 

_ I’m fucked, aren’t I? She knows.  _

 


	3. You're the one that I want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh finally things are starting to make sense for our dear Simon, and Baz has a love-hate relationship with everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, we're here! I'm finally done with this fic, way later than I planned (I'm sorryyy). Once again, I'm going to thank my beta Julia (go give her some love on tumblr on https://kaz-sexual.tumblr.com/ ) : it's been so great working with you, you've been a lot of help <3\. Thank you for making this fic sooo much better.   
> Then of course thank you to https://snowbazextravaganza.tumblr.com who organized this event among many others, it's been so much fun participating!

SIMON

 

When I wake up the next morning, I almost panic. I’m lying on something cold and moving. It takes me a couple of seconds before I realize that it’s Baz. I’m sleeping on Baz’s chest.

I want to move, but  _ fuck,  _ if he wakes up… He’ll never let me hear the end of it. I fix my eyes on the droplets of water trickling down the fabric of the tent, then focusing as hard as possible of moving slowly and steadily as I carefully move off him.

 

Despite my effort, his eyelashes flutter and grey meets blue. I scramble away, sitting up and running a hand through my hair, trying to gather my thoughts, searching for an explanation.

His eyes, full of questions, squint at me for a few seconds. Then, to my surprise, he grins. Like, properly, with teeth and rosy lips and crinkles and everything beautiful in the world. I feel my ears heating up and turn my head to stare at my backpack, forgotten in a corner.

 

“So, last night wasn’t enough for you, eh?” He laughs. I realize, not without confusion, that his tone is lacking the usual spite. “Didn’t know you were a cuddler, Snow.”

 

_ What happened last night?  _ I open my mouth in an attempt to defend myself, but can’t for the love of magic find an dignified answer. And so I close it again, frustrated and oddly nervous. Something within me is itching, but I don’t know why or how to fix it. 

 

“Well, time for breakfast.” Baz chimes and I don’t think I’ve ever heard him that cheerful. He’s obviously not genuinely happy (I don’t think he’s capable of that), but it’s so different from the cold glares I usually get for a “good morning”. It’s off-putting, makes me all jumpy. I don’t know what to do with this Baz.

 

Then he spells himself clean and changes with magic, not even bothering to make me turn around. I can’t help but blush whenever I see a flash of skin.

 

“See anything you like, Snow?” He asks with the same mocking grin.

 

I stiffen. “No, shut up.”

 

Then he leaves, and it takes all my self-control not to smash my head into something.

BAZ

After breakfast, the first lesson of the day is something about dryads. I only half listen, since I’ve already read the chapter about forest creatures twice. I find the lessons about magical creatures quite dull, but at least the textbook is well written.

 

Of course, the universe decides to torture me again, as expected, by pairing me off with Simon Snow for some stupid group work. We’re supposed to be with some other student too, either Gareth or Greg, I didn’t quite pay attention. Turns out it was Greg, who is “sick” after last night, so it ends up being just us two. I can’t decide if it’s devastating or hilarious, but he certainly seems to think it’s the former. He reluctantly approaches, looking dead with his hands in his pockets and his hair frizzy from the misty air. The chatter fades as we stomp into the forest side by side and the air grows heavier with the awkwardness and the smell of nature. A ray of sunshine hits his shoulder and a small sliver of golden skin is exposed to the light when his t-shirt shifts. I quickly look away.

He suddenly stops, sticking his nose up to take a deep breath. The soft hacking of a woodpecker resonates behind us, and in the sky I spot a cloud shaped like a bicycle.

 

“Don’t tell me you’re going to try and sniff them up.” I sigh. His cheeks redden and his mouth twitches.

 

“No, I’m just…enjoying the weather, that’s all.” He looks slightly uncomfortable.

 

“Yeah, I suppose it is quite nice.”

 

He narrows his eyes at me. “Are you fucking with me or something?”

 

“What do you mean?” I’m genuinely confused.

 

“Why are you being so nice? And you were way too nice yesterday too, and this morning- uhm…”

 

What a fucking idiot. I simply raise an eyebrow at him.

 

“LookIdunnobutyoualmostseemlikeactuallyniceandIthinkyoumighthavebeenflirtingwithme.”

 

“What?” I try not to laugh.

 

He makes an annoyed sound. “I’m not going to repeat it. You should have just listened.”

 

“Alright.” I answer, perfectly knowing it’s not the answer he wants to hear.

 

“Oh, fucking fine. You’re being less of an asshole and this morning you were all weird. I can’t remember much from yesterday and my head is fucking throbbing and I demand an explanation.”

 

I scoff. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe you’re just so slow, it took you a couple of years to realize what a charming bloke I am. And the amount of alcohol you drink is your problem, not mine.”

 

“Oh, shut the fuck up.”

 

“Well, if you really must know, you expressed a certain interest towards a certain someone and then uhm… I really shouldn’t tell you this, Bunce should.”

 

“What?” It feels more like an order than a question. Frankly, I find it disturbingly hot when he does that.

 

“Uhm, Snow, seriously, you don’t want to hear it from me.” I try to explain, but I know it’s hopeless. He looks pissed off. “Uhm, you also snogged me, like twice?” I say in an attempt to distract him. He blushes, opens his mouth sheepishly and then closes it, his eyes darkening.

 

“Wait, no, stop. What the fuck happened?”

 

“Merlin and Morgana, I’m going to regret this.” I sigh. “Wellbelove broke up with you.” I take a step backwards, bracing his reaction.

 

“Oh.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

He scoffs. ”No, you’re not.” I would expect him to be angry or sad, but he seems more confused.

 

“Why do you always think I’m after Wellbelove?” I ask.

 

“Honestly, I dunno. It’s more like she’s after you, which is just as annoying.” He shakes his head.

 

“Sounds like maybe it was for the best. The break-up I mean.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

For a couple of minutes, we start walking again, in silence. Then he speaks again, his voice vulnerable and confused and so, so very lovable.

 

“I always thought I loved her. That we would get married and have kids. If we got to live that far I mean.”

 

I merely nod, not wanting to ruin the moment. He searches my eyes, but he looks so tired and so beautiful, and I can barely stand to look back at him.

 

“I guess sometimes things don’t turn out like we think they will.” He croaks out. I hum in agreement.

 

“Look, Simon-” He stops, and turns towards me, looking as though his entire life depends on my words. “I- Yesterday, you… I think you should see this as a good thing. I think I shouldn’t be the one telling you this either but fuck it. The entire class knows, it’s going to get out, and I would rather tell you myself than have you hear it from someone else.” His eyes widen. “Yesterday, we played never have I ever, and people found out that I’m gay, and then, as I told you, we er…snogged, twice. And, I just wanted to say that if that had anything to do with the break-up, then I am truly sorry, because I think we can both safely say it didn’t mean anything.”

 

He exhales. “Wow.”

 

“Yeah.” I let out a small, relieved laugh. But something’s still twisting inside of me. Not that it matters, because he can under no circumstances find out that those kisses meant the world to me. “I’m sorry to bring it up now, I mean, you have other stuff to think about.”

 

“I remember it now actually.”

 

I frown. “What?”

 

“The, erm, snogging.” I stare at a leaf so hard it feels like it starts spinning. “And the break-up, and some other stuff. It’s a bit dizzy, but now that we’re talking about it, it’s coming back to me.” he adds.

 

“Oh.” I say, stupidly.

 

Yet another quiet minute passes by. It’s not that awkward; I suppose it’s because we’re roommates. Silence between us two alone is not exactly something we’ve never experienced before.

 

He’s the one to break the quiet this time too. “See, now you’re all nice and quiet, again. I don’t understand. Do you fancy me or something?” He says it like a joke but I somehow can’t answer. I just stare at him, slowly realizing that my cheeks are heating up and  _ fuck.  _ His eyes look curious and a bit suspicious and I almost panic.

 

“Baz?” He asks. I just look at him, so afraid my mouth won’t open.

 

It’s not supposed to be this easy for him, that’s unfair. I’m the one who’s good at speaking.

 

“Sorry, I just-” I start but I don’t quite manage to finish.

 

“You don’t actually mean? No- no. You’re such a teasing fucker, you got me there for a second.” He laughs. But he doesn’t seem convinced. He steps closer to me, sighing. “Everything is so complicated. Everyone is so confusing. I don’t know what to think anymore. You don’t even seem to hate me, and yesterday I-” he comes to a brutal halt, a deep red tinting his cheeks. A bird is singing in the background.

 

“I don’t hate you.” I breathe.

 

“I don’t hate you, either.” 

 

SIMON

 

At dinner, I find my eyes unconsciously drifting towards Baz. He barely touches his food, sitting quiet, staring into his hot dog like it’s going to eat him and not the other way around.

 

Then, suddenly he smirks towards me, opening his mouth large and shoving more than half of it down his throat, taking the largest bite I’ve ever seen anyone take. I swear I can see a pair of fangs glisten somewhere in his mouth.

 

All the blood in my entire body goes straight to my face, and I suddenly feel at least 20 degrees hotter. Something very,  _ very _ low in my stomach twists and goes all warm and funny, and  _ fuck. _

He stares into my eyes as he gulps down that last piece like it’s nothing. My ears are burning along with my sanity.

 

I don’t know what’s up with me, but somehow, it’s like nothing bothers me anymore. I don’t care about Agatha or the Humdrum. The only thing that matters any more is Baz’s mouth. He licks his lips slowly and I find myself hypnotized, unable to look away. And he  _ knows.  _ I know he knows because he won’t stop staring back, like he’s daring me to keep looking. It’s like a silent competition. And I’ll be damned if I lose.

 

I can’t remember much from that kiss yesterday except a hot wet tongue sliding against mine and slender fingers tangling in my hair. A rough kiss on a mole I didn’t even know I had. Sharp teeth clashing against mine.

 

“Si.” Penny looks disturbed. “What the fuck.”

 

“What?”

 

“Your magic is all weird.” I unwillingly tear my eyes away from Baz and notice everyone staring at me. I look back at Baz, and notice a victorious grin on his stupid, handsome face. “And if you’re going to stare at Baz, please do it subtly.” She adds as a quiet whisper, perhaps not as quiet as she thinks, though, considering Gareth’s snickering.

 

“Sorry.” I mutter, trying to shift my focus back on the food. Shouldn’t be too hard.

 

BAZ

 

It’s insane. Unbelievable. Bloody amazing, to be honest. Simon “The Chosen One” Snow is staring at me with the biggest eyes and the biggest blush. I can’t help but be the attention-whore I’m born to be and make it even worse for him, biting my lip and looking back at him with my eyes half-closed. I feel his magic turn soft and then kind of salty. It feels like nervousness and wonder and sweat. Filling the room, thick and Simon-y, it tingles in my nostrils, swirls around my vision and digs into my brain like the sweetest of drugs.

 

Bunce turns to him with an annoyed expression, smacking his arm as she whispers something in his ear. People are gaping at the poor sod, some of them looking pleased, some surprised.

When his face takes the final step towards turning that lovely but hilarious tomato shade, I decide to excuse myself before I get too riled up. Dev seems as confused as ever, but Niall looks me in the eyes smugly, shaking his head at me as I stand up, making a show out of fixing my tie before waltzing away to the tent, feeling the sunset reflect in my hair as it flows in the summer breeze.

I can practically feel Snow’s eyes on me, and I love it.

SIMON

Tonight, someone suggests meeting again, same place same time. Penny doesn’t want to go, her main argument being:

 

“Simon, the practical is tomorrow at 9. We can’t be hungover.”

 

But I know she never steps down from a challenge, which is why convincing her doesn’t take long. “Well, I dare you to try. If you can get a perfect score when hungover, I promise not to mention Baz for a week.” I propose.

 

She grins. “Deal.”

 

As the dark comes creeping over the woods, and the air grows chillier, I notice it gets harder and harder to focus on what Penny is saying. My mind keeps going back to Baz, and the moment we shared in the forest this afternoon.

 

We’re sitting behind the large, white tent serving as canteen, watching the shadows move inside as the lights start going out in the camp.

 

“What’s the matter, Si? You’ve been acting strange all day.”

 

“I dunno.” I shrug.

 

“I think you do. It’s Baz isn’t it?” she asks.

 

I feel myself going stiff. “Maybe.”

 

“Look, I know you know I hate talking about him, because of your stupid theories, but this genuinely interests me, I promise. If there’s something you want to tell me, just tell me.” I remain silent, trying to avoid her mercilessly intense gaze. She fiddles with her ring, sighing. “If you don’t want to tell me, though, that’s okay. But if you don’t…. I’m just going to assume-”

 

“Fine, fine, I’ll tell you.” I give in, instantly regretting it as her mouth twitches and forms into a pleased smirk. “Although, I don’t really know where to start.”

 

“Your break-up with Ags perhaps?” She suggests and I nod slowly.

 

“Okay, yeah. I mean, I guess it just made sense. Now that I really think about it, I don’t really know why we were still together. We went on a couple of dates, but most of the time it just felt like we were friends. Every time we would kiss it would feel awkward. I mean, it was nice, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not sure it was nice  _ enough _ .”

 

Penny nods, curiosity and concern mixed behind her glasses.

 

“When she said she wanted to be more than a happy ending, that made so much sense. It never hit me how unrealistic that idea was. You can’t just assume that you’ll be with one person and everything is going to fix itself. And you can’t know who you’re going to build a family with when you’re this young.”

 

“Sounds reasonable.” Penny chips in.

 

“But, what really made me think was how I wasn’t even heartbroken. At first, I was a bit mad, because I didn’t understand, then a bit sad because I didn’t know what came next. But I never felt bad because I thought I would miss her, because I won’t. We’ll still be friends, which is more than enough for me.”

 

Penelope snickers, tucking a purple lock behind her ear. “Well, I guess this explains your late behavior.”

 

“Yeah.” I snort. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit off, but I’ve been so distracted thinking about this and- well… Baz. I’m just so confused. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not like, in love or anything!”  _ At least, I don’t think so…. _

 

“But you’re attracted to him.” She muses.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And he’s obviously attracted to you, as well.”

 

“You think so?” I ask, feeling a small spark of hope within me.

 

She rolls her eyes. “Simon, you’re so unbelievably dense sometimes. Yes, smart-ass, he fancies you back.”

 

“But- Okay. I mean, we talked earlier today.”

 

“Si! You’ve got to tell me these things!” She exclaims accusingly.

 

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t really think you would care.”

 

“Of course, I care. I mean, I know you say you’re just attracted to him but I’m just going to ignore that because there’s obviously more.”

 

“What? No! Well… maybe, yes. No… I don’t know.”

 

Penny laughs, throwing an arm around me and placing her head on my shoulder. I turn my head, breathing in her hair, which smells like sage and something sweet I can’t place.

 

“You’re a special snowflake, Simon. But I still love you.” She puffs.

 

I hum, tightening the half hug. “I love you too.”

 

“Now, we should get going, people are starting to move.” She says, detaching herself from my grip. I look around us and notice, that our classmates have in fact started leaving the tents, and a few tip-toeing figures are appearing between the trees. I start preparing my stiff limbs to stand up when she speaks again. “Si, one last thing. Don’t rush through anything. Just take a moment to really reflect. Remember, you just broke up with someone.”

 

“Yeah.” It makes sense, but  _ Aleister Crowley _ , I just want to find Baz and snog him until his brain starts leaking from his nose.

BAZ

 

The night approaches quickly, too quickly for my taste. Once again, I find myself in an extremely confusing and compromising situation because of Simon Snow. But this time, it’s different. There are no dragons or chimeras, no Humdrums or crazy accusations. Just a boy with golden curls and blueblueblue eyes and moles and freckles decorating bronze skin.

And when I see him, already sitting at the campfire with his idiotic grin and Bunce’s arm around him, I know that I’m royally fucked.

 

I settle down next to Dev, which unfortunately leaves me at an angle where I can’t see Simon. Or maybe that’s for the better.

 

As people keep coming, Bunce’s expression grows more and more malevolent. I know she has a plan, and by the looks of it, Snow has noticed it too and he doesn’t seem thrilled about it.

When everyone has finally arrived, Bunce clears her throat. “Well, I was thinking, since we found out about so many interesting little things yesterday, let’s just cut to the chase and play Spin the Bottle.”

 

Groans and cheers alike were heard, but due to an overly excited Bella.

I know they’re all convinced something is going to happen between Snow and I but it can’t. It just can’t. He wouldn’t.

 

But a couple of minutes drag on as people start drinking and chatting about who they want to see kiss and I’m having trouble focusing on my surroundings as I find myself absorbed in a fantasy about Snow’s drunk, fumbling hands caressing my hair.

 

“ **You’re the one that I want!** ”  Bunce’s clear voice wakes me up, and I go rigid. I know what that means. If I spin, there’s no avoiding it, it will land on Snow. But considering how much got out yesterday, maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s okay to have a giant crush on Simon Snow.

 

No, that’s ridiculous.

 

The game starts and Trixie (obviously) kisses Keris, and we soon discover a problem: if the feeling is mutual, it just ends up being a circle of kissing, and Bunce has the brilliant idea to keep going in a circle.

 

Then I feel colder as I realize Keris is sitting next to Gareth, who’s sitting next to me. I still have a chance of escaping, be Gareth’s want unrequited, but when he kisses Rhys it becomes quite clear that it isn’t the case. And so I lift my head up, letting no emotion show in my eyes as I spin the bottle and it of course lands on Snow.

 

I try my hardest no to panic, and for once, it’s working. I only feel want, mixed with the usual arrogance that accompanies me every time I come near Snow.

 

I purposefully ignore the dozens of eyes I know are fixed on me as I stride over there, careful not to step too close to the fire. Then I grab his chin, tilting his head upward to kiss the git. At first, barely brushing at his lips, then as he wakes up to respond, sucking on his lower lip, tracing his jaw with my fingers until they’re on the space between his shoulder and his neck. His fingers find my hair again, and I don’t think I would survive if he removed them. He kisses differently today, gentler, as if he could break me at any moment. It annoys me, and I push my mouth against his hungrily, nibbling at the corner of his mouth. I expect to go back to find his lips, but he starts moving the other direction, pressing kisses down my face and onto my neck and  _ fuck. _ Suddenly I don’t give a flying shit who’s watching. Simon Snow is devouring my neck, and quite messily at that, lingering between kisses, leaving wet trails that feel cold in the fresh night, causing my entire body to shiver.

 

Then the wonderful warmth of his brilliant mouth goes away, and I realize I’ve been pulled down, a knee propped up on the log between his legs and  _ Crowley.  _ He looks straight into my eyes and smirks, as if the bastard wants me to know. So, curiously, I press my knee against him, and he  _ trembles _ , a soft sound escaping his throat.  

 

Sadly, the fun can’t go on forever, and I realize with Dev’s awkward throat-clearing that it’s time to go back. And so the universe grows slightly darker and slightly colder as I retreat back to my place between Gareth and my cousin.

 

As the minutes ( _ Hours? No, probably not.) _ disappear between vodka shots and sloppy snogs, I catch Simon Snow staring at me far too many times for my brain to function properly. And so when someone suggests we go back to camp, it is not without a yawn but with much sorrow that I nod in agreement.

 

This time, the Chosen One can stand up and walk on his own, and I find myself inexplicably sad at the lost opportunity of carrying “the princess” in my arms.  I’m slowly treading forward, trying to focus on walking as quietly as I can, trees swaying around me a bit more than they should, when suddenly a hot hand grabs my arm, and pulls me backwards.

 

“Hello?” I don’t intend to sound so dumb, it just seems to come out on it’s own. It’s funny, but inconvenient. Merlin’s tits, I love being drunk.

 

“Baz, are you okay?” Snow is laughing at me.  _ Snow is laughing because of something I did. I caused that. _

 

“Yeah! Very.” It sounds a bit less intelligent than I originally planned, and I can’t suppress a giggle, but it’s  _ fine. _

 

“You’re something special, do you know that?”

 

I can only laugh at that, because it’s so silly for Simon Snow to call me special.

 

“Why is it silly?” He asks, sounding confused.  _ Whoops. _

 

I keep thinking about how beautiful the mole under his left eyebrow is, and how it makes me want to kiss his eyelid.

 

“You can if you want.” His voice is so quiet, and he’s mumbling so bad. Willy Wonka would hate him.

 

“How do you know what I’m thinking?“ I attempt, and it’s surprisingly coherent.

 

He snickers. “Snakes and cauldrons, Baz. You’re so drunk.”

 

I smile at him, because I want him to smile back. And he does.

 

“Let’s go back now, shall we?” He takes my arm and I realize it wasn’t as stable as I thought it would be, but I don’t give a cockroach’s wrinkly arse because I’m drunk, and happy, and Simon Snow is holding my arm in a strange but perfect way. It tingles where his skin touches mine and I feel warm and fuzzy, drunk on more than just alcohol.

 

We stumble on a couple branches, helplessly giggling in the darkness as I try and fail to cast a silencing spell. Snow is huffing loudly at my shoulder, pressing his weight against me so that I feel the warmth of his breath prickle under my t- shirt.

 

We arrive at out tent, and it takes us way too long to get the zipper to open. When it finally does, we fall inside, Snow half on top of me, his face buried into my back.

 

“Mmhhm.” He mumbles, voice muffled through fabric.

 

“Hmm?” I hum in response.

 

He lifts his head off a couple of centimeters. “’m not gonna move.”

 

I’m too tired to answer, and so I simply grab my pillow, trying to get comfortable. However, this soon proves impossible, Snow’s loud sighs way too distracting against my skin, and my arms and feet unbearably cold.

 

“Snow, move, I’m cold.” I manage to croak out.

 

“Hmmpphh.” He grunts, but surely enough, a few seconds later he scooches off of me. I turn onto my back, trying to shimmy myself into my sleeping bag using a minimal amount of energy. As soon as I’m settled, however, an arm creeps over my stomach and curls graze at my chin as Snow places is head on my chest. I would protest, I  _ should,  _ but I can’t. My brain can’t form any sentences and my mouth is too tired to move, and so I just lay there, stiff and terrified but exhausted. Not only have I spent the last too nights in very irresponsible ways, depriving myself of my beloved beauty sleep, but I also haven’t fed in a while, and I don’t want to risk getting lost if I wander off into the forest in search of prey. I don’t know this part of the Wavering Wood.

 

“I like you, Baz.”

 

I had started to relax, but I instantly go rigid again, my throat suddenly very dry.  

 

“No, you don’t.” I breathe.

 

“Yeah, I do.” He chuckles into my chest.

 

“Snow, you’re drunk.”

 

I can feel him smiling against me. “Yeah I am.”

 

“So, want to be friends?” I shouldn’t ask, because I don’t know the answer and that terrifies me. But I do. Because this is my only chance.

 

“No.” He laughs, and I start coughing, my heart feeling like it just got run over by a bulldozer. “You’re so stupid, Baz.”

 

I am, I really,  _ really _ am.

 

“But-” I stutter, but I can’t quite find my words. This is supposed to be Simon’s thing. Maybe it’s contagious.

 

“Oh, shut up and sleep.”

 

So I do. Or at least I try to, with the thoughts swirling around in my head, cooking and stewing. I feel like a boiling pot of potion. Unfortunately, I’m probably brewing a love potion.

 

The walls of the tent are slightly swaying, but my wand is too far away and I’m scared to move, fearing Snow might move. Everything is perfect, the air chilly and full of Snow’s earthy fragrance. I breathe in the hair than tickles my nose. It’s so  _ him,  _ I feel the need to stop before I get addicted.

When his breaths finally even out, chest rising and falling in beautiful patterns, I press a careful kiss to the top of his head before finally closing my eyes. 

 

SIMON

 

Once again, I wake up with a pounding head, and once again, said head is on top of Baz. However, this time, lacking the sense of panic or dismay, I feel…calm. Besides my head pounding, Baz’s amazing pillowing function drives me to close my eyes again, trying as hard as I can to fall asleep. But it’s not easy. I usually wake up quite early, and to be honest I have no clue what time it is. And so, my rebellious brain instead decides to play cinema, replaying all the events of the night before. I recall Baz’s hands in my hair, on my hips, around my neck, his lips too much and not enough and absolutely, frighteningly brilliant. A tremor tickles my skin and my hand twitches. I want to reach out to him, touch him, trace all the curves, bends and folds of that mesmerizing pale skin, feel the silky strands of his hair between my fingers.

 

But that’s ridiculous. It makes no sense. I don’t know why these crazy ideas are wreaking havoc in my pure confused brain, but somehow, I don’t try to stop it. I’m done trying to force myself to do stuff because I think I shouldn’t.

 

But then again, there’s a stone in my stomach, weighing me down, tearing my insides into shreds every time I think of the boy sleeping so peacefully in my arms. A stone of Responsibilities and Shouldn’ts and Wrongs and Impossibles, but above all of Guilt. Guilt because Agatha broke up with me not even 24 hours ago, and I should be sad, and I should be wallowing and pining or trying to get her back. I definitely shouldn’t be thinking about kissing my arch-nemesis-who-might-not-be-my-nemesis-anymore-but-is-also-not-really-my-friend.

 

But then I think about what Penny said, about him liking me back. And maybe it would be worth it. Maybe break-ups aren’t always heartbreaking, and maybe it’s okay to feel whatever I’m feeling now. Maybe I’m just making excuses because I’m scared, just like I was with Agatha. I think deep down I knew we weren’t meant to be, and that she didn’t love me that way. Maybe, just maybe, this: Baz and I, whatever we are, can be good.

 

And so when he finally wakes up and his jaw pops as he yawns I smile up at him without moving. He blinks down at me, lifting his head slightly to properly see.

 

“Good morning, Baz.” I grin. He doesn’t reply, just letting his head fall back on the pillow with a thud, twisting his mouth into a pout as he mumbles something.

 

“You’re certainly chipper today.” I snicker.

 

“Shut up.” He mutters.

 

“Make me.” I challenge. He opens one eye and frowns suspiciously at me, but somewhere in his gaze I perceive a flicker of mischief. We stay like that for a couple of seconds before I realize he’s either too dense or too scared to make the move, so I lift my head up a bit, so that I can look him in the eyes, our faces merely centimeters away. His morning breath isn’t great, but I don’t care because his lips are slightly red and look so kissable it should be illegal. “Did you not hear me? I guess if you don’t do anything about it I’ll just have to keep talk-”

 

He lets out an irritated groan as he finally closes the distance, slipping those long-wanted fingers in my hair, and I can’t think. I know I’m too eager for his slow and lazy kissing, but I don’t care, flicking my tongue between his lips, pleading entrance. That wakes him up and he licks into my mouth as he turns us around so that he’s on top of me. His sleeping bag is in the way, though, and his previously propped up knee slips, disrupting his balance, and he falls those last 10 centimeters, his full bodyweight on mine. It crushes my lungs a bit but I couldn’t care less. We laugh between kisses, smiling against each other to the point where it gets annoying. Suddenly, Baz pulls away, keeping his hand on my shoulder, drawing small circles.

 

“Uhm, okay, before we continue, I just need to know what this is.” 

 

“I don’t know but I’d like there to be more of it, if you wouldn’t mind?” I answer. I just want to get back to the kissing, nevermind how adorably nervous he seems..

 

“I certainly wouldn’t mind.” And then he kisses me again, but only for a second, and when he pulls away this time I can’t help but whine. “But, seriously, like, what about when we back to Watford?”

 

“Well, then I guess our room allocation is quite convenient.” I sigh, causing him to chuckle. My middle flutters, heating up, and I feel my cheek do the same, a blush spreading from cheeks to ears.

 

“Yeah, but is it- Urgh I don’t know how to ask this.” He starts.

 

I roll my eyes. “Merlin, look, whatever you want is fine with me. As long as you stop talking and kiss me, like, now.” 

 

But his grey eyes are still pending, the line of his neck still stretched above me in uncertainty. It’s so unlike him, and it’s my time to groan, even if it’s mostly for show, my insides warm and happy. “I mean, I’d like to be your boyfriend. If you want, that is.”

 

“Really?” His voice is small but his eyes are smiling hopefully.

 

“Yes. Really. I don’t know why, because you’re a right bastard. And, just to give you a heads up, I suck at being a boyfriend.”

 

“I probably do too. But that’s fine.” He smiles. “I mean, this is so incredibly weird. I never ever would’ve thought this would happen, but the truth is I just… You’re… I really,  _ really  _ like you, Simon, even though you’re a stupid git sometimes, and my family would kill me if they knew. Maybe I’m crazy, probably so, but fuck that, I want to give this a chance.”

 

And then he kisses me, and  _ Merlin _ , I swear it’s better than scones. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, everyone! Hope you liked it, comments are kudos are happily accepted <3333 Have a nice day (or night, I know you're in bed in the darkness staring at your screen like a naked mole rat but I still love you)!


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